MOTHERS Book Bag

Reading group Discussion Questions for The Maternal is Political

You can download the PDF file on Shari MacDonald Strong’s reading group discussion page.

1. What does the phrase “The personal is political” mean historically? What does “The maternal is political” mean to you?
2. Which essay in this book resonated with you the most, and why? Which essay did you struggle with most strongly, or feel most challenged by? What do you think might be the reasons for that?
3. The Maternal Is Political: Women Writers at the Intersection of Motherhood and Social Change includes 43 essays by 44 writers, on 43 different subjects. But the subject matter (the relationships between motherhood and politics) could easily drive several more volumes. What additional political issues would you have liked to see addressed in an anthology of this kind?
4. Although a range of writing styles are represented in this book, the pieces here are, by and large, more literary than academic. How is the experience of reading about issues such as activism, immigration, abortion, and women’s rights, for example, different when you read about them in story form, as opposed to in a textbook? In what way does the presence of a personal narrator add to (or detract from) the subject matter presented?
5. Kristin Rowe-Finkbeiner, in the introduction, emphasizes the importance of mothers sharing their political stories. Do you agree that this is important? How much does sharing our stories play into the goal of making a difference in the world?
6. The essays in this book are grouped into three sections: Believe, Teach, and Act. Could some of the stories been placed one of the other categories? How much do these three key aspects of our political and mothering experiences—our beliefs, what we teach, and how we act—crossover and overlap in real life?
7. Several authors in this collection mention that the act of becoming a parent brought them to a new political awareness. In what ways did becoming a mother trigger for you a political awakening—or did it?
8. Do you think most mothers feel that they have political power? Why or why not?
9. How can we, as women and as mothers, encourage one another and make the most of our collective political power? What is one thing you can do differently this year, to help you become more effective politically, in order to bring about social change—or simply to make the world better and safer for your child(ren)?

Opting In Reading Group Guide

Courtesy of MacMillian publishing and Amy's publisher, Farrar, Straus and Giroux. You can download a PDF of the Reading Group Guide here.

1. How did you react to the theme of the New York Times Magazine cover story that inspired this book and is described in the introduction? To what degree does media hype influence your mind-set about the evolving role of women—mothers or not—
in American society? To what degree does the media’s portrayal of contemporary women match the realities of your own life?

2. In the introduction, Amy Richards outlines feminism’s accomplishments in the realm of motherhood and calls on readers to consider the power of the individual to effect change and to sustain the momentum of change. What impact have these accomplishments made on your own life? How has the role of mothers changed within your own family in recent generations, particularly in your mother’s and grandmother’s generations?

3. What revelations in Chapter 1: “To Work or Not to Work Is Not the Question,” were most surprising to you? Why does the all-or-nothing approach to careers and motherhood reign in most media coverage of the issue? Are the more essential facets—flexible schedules, paid family leave, parenting partners, and equality in pay—overlooked in the dialogues within your circle of friends, relatives, or coworkers?

4. Richards describes family-friendly European legislation that contrasts sharply with American lawmaking. In what way does this disparity reflect cultural values on both sides of the Atlantic? Is America’s corporate culture inherently at odds with the needs of its workers’ families?

5. What is the best way to cope with misinformation or hyperbole regarding biologically based parenting instincts and the challenges of contemporary parenting? To what extent did abortion debates of the 1970s shape the public’s perception of questions regarding women’s reproductive realities?

 

Discussion Questions on Giving: How Each of Us Can Change the World

These discussion questions were written by Bill Clinton for ReadingGroupGuides.com along with an opening note:

Dear Friend,

I wrote Giving to profile inspirational people who are giving back in ways both large and small, and having an amazing impact on the lives of others as a result. As we approach this holiday season, I hope that my book will serve as a blueprint for everyone --- regardless of income, available time, age and skills --- on the different ways you can get involved and make a difference, either in your own neighborhood or half a world away.

I'm honored that you are considering Giving for your reading group and I hope that you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Best wishes for a safe and happy holiday season.

Sincerely,
Bill Clinton

Topics for Discussion as You Read "Mommy Wars"

As you read Steiner's book, think about the conflicts mothers feel whether they work inside or outside the home. Are the "mommy wars" truly in women's heads, as Steiner has pointed out in interviews? Or is the use of "mommy wars" media hype used to sell books and create ratings? Does it distract us from the real issue that our society doesn’t value and leaves no room for the important work of mothering and fathering?

Other topics for conversation:

1. What are some real trends you see happening among mothers that should be covered by the media?
2. What irritates you most about the media's current coverage of mothers? If we want to influence the media's coverage of mothers and families, what is the best way to grab its attention and influence it?
3. Does the same apply to getting the attention of policymakers so they work toward supporting mothers and families?
4. What state or local policy changes would help you most in your role as a parent? (ie: after-school programs, paid family leave, uniform healthcare, free preschool programs, a ban on having to work overtime, right to paid sick leave, etc.). Dare to Dream and Think Big! Other important members of society don't hesitate to ask for what they need!
5. Why do you think that up to now mothers have been reluctant to demand public policies that would make their lives and the lives of their children easier?

More about What Women Really Want

Taken from the What Women Really Want website:

In What Women Really Want : How American Women Are Quietly Erasing Political, Racial, Class, and Religious Lines to Change the Way We Live, two of America’s hottest pollsters—Celinda Lake and Kellyanne Conway—reveal how and why women are the most powerful force reshaping the future of America.

Beyond the politics of left and right, women are quietly exerting a unified power to make changes in our culture and in commerce, meeting in the middle to achieve their goals. And they are not using traditional means to get there. Rejecting outdated traditions and expectations that no longer fit their reality, they are breaking the old rules about when and whether to marry and have children, living fully and equally as singles, and creating flexible, inclusive workplaces that don’t sacrifice family or sanity.

They are taking charge of the marketplace, controlling $5 trillion annually as the primary purchasers of homes, cars, appliances, and electronics.

They are making their mark at ages twenty, forty, sixty, and beyond, drawing strength, inspiration, and intellectual stimulation from other women. And that’s just the beginning.

Discussion Points for I Don't Know How She Does It

1. At 1:37 a.m. on an average night, Kate Reddy has just returned from a business trip to Sweden and is banging store-bought mince pies with a rolling pin so that they'll look homemade for her daughter's school Christmas party. She then goes out to the trash bins to hide the pie boxes so that Paula, her nanny, won't tell the other nannies that Kate cheated on the pies. She cleans up the kitchen and then takes a long time brushing her teeth so that her husband will fall asleep before she comes to bed (if they don't have sex, she can skip a shower in the morning and possibly have time for Christmas shopping on the way to work). How does this sequence, along with the "Must Remember" list that follows it, work to set the comic pacing for the novel [pp. 3–10]? How successful is the opening chapter in getting the reader to sympathize with Kate and her daily challenges?

2. When Kate arrives late for work, she needs to come up with what her friend Debra calls "a Man's Excuse" [p. 15]—something that does not have to do with sick children or an absent nanny, preferably something involving car repairs or traffic. Is Pearson accurate in describing a business world that has little patience for the out-of-office responsibilities of working mothers?

3. Kate has two good friends, Debra and Candy, with whom she exchanges comical e-mail messages. What do these messages convey about the ways women console, support, and entertain one another? What do they convey about the subculture of office life?

A Note and Some Discussion Points from Ann

In If You've Raised Kids, You Can Manage Anything, I wanted to demolish the condescending stereotypes that still surround the work of raising children. We still have this idea that "family" and "work" are two totally separate spheres, and that attention to one somehow detracts from performance in the other. I sometimes think that people who have spent years with their kids are painted with a scarlet letter that brands them as not "serious" or "tough" or "dedicated" enough to succeed in the workplace. But there is absolutely no evidence of this. On the contrary, there is plenty of evidence that managing complex family relationships successfully makes one better equipped to handle all of life’s challenges.

So my idea was to change the conversation from work/family conflict to work/family synergy. Hopefully, the book can give mothers and fathers greater confidence in their skills, and open employers’ eyes to the hidden talents that parents can bring to the table.

Here are a few discussion points and questions to think about as you read the book:

1. Why is it assumed that "working at home" is easier than going to the office?
2. In what ways does our idea of the "good parent" match our concept of the "good leader"? How do these images differ? Are there more similarities than differences?
3. What skills do you feel that you in particular have learned as a parent?
4. Do you think you could convince a superior or employer that those skills are relevant? Would this be easier in certain fields?
5. Is the denigration of parenting skills a particular problem for women, or does this bias also affect stay-at-home fathers?

Thanks for participating in MOTHERS Book Bag,

Ann Crittenden

Reading group guide (written by Miriam Peskowitz)

Welcome to the Reading Group guide for The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars: Who Decides What Makes a Good Mother?. This book is a great book for women to read together. I can already hear women sharing their stories as mothers who want to lead rich and rewarding lives, take care of themselves and their kids, and think together about our place in the world and how to make things better for mothers and parents.

I’m in a book group too. I know it can be tough to move from uncorking the wine and chatting happily with the other fun and fabulous women in the room to actually talking about the book. Here are some questions to get the conversation started:

Discussion Points for Perfect Madness:

1. What is your overall impression of Perfect Madness? Of the ideas, arguments, and facts the author presents in this book, what stood out the most for you?

2. When you began reading this book, did you agree with the author's assertion on page 7 that "the climate in which we now mother is, in many ways, just plain crazy"? What was your opinion by the time you reached the last page?

3. Many of Judith Warner's points are made in reference to her experiences as a new mother in France before returning to the United States. What are the differences in the ways the two cultures approach motherhood, as well as their attitudes toward mothers in general? What would you say is the biggest difference?

4. Discuss the ways in which the media has influenced society's view of motherhood, from television shows to magazines to your local newspaper.

5. What other external influences over the last several decades-including politics, feminism, scientific studies, publications such as Dr. Spock's child care guides, and product manufacturers-have contributed to this "age of anxiety"?